All posts by serahrose

losing profundity

this weekend i took a mini-trip to Martha’s Vineyard with some girlfriends. i distinctly recall having some very important profound thoughts. i even remember what i was looking at.
in the dark room, recovering from an upset stomach, i was staring at the wall paper. it was floral.
studying the angles of a dancing statue in the sunlight.
waiting for the bus across from Alley’s.
watching the wide blue sky stretch on forever.
seeing the ocean spray cascade over the stone wall and hoping the next wave would catch me as i ran by. the droplets in motion, the rough wall immobile, i flying.
but i don’t remember the thoughts. not one.
i’m sure they were important. i told myself they were important. i felt amazed it had taken me so long to find these thoughts.
and now they’re gone.
either my brain has become sieve-like far earlier than it should, or there is a very good reason for it.
i’m taking the latter.

In My Mind’s Eye, said the 4 year old

Last Month

Avi: Mama, did you know, that sometimes I say things to myself in my head?

Mama: Did you know, that a lot of people do that? It’s how we think.

This Month

Avi:  There is a metal bar. Here. (she taps on her forehead) And there are all these pictures hanging from it.  That I see.

Mama: What kinds of pictures?

Avi: You and Dada and me!  Suzy and Cocoa.  There are three bars.  Here, here, and here (she taps her high forehead, middle forehead, and the bridge of her nose).  And they’re full of pictures.  And sleep is not one of them.  I can’t see sleep.


Is there a chance that having thought all my life that I don’t make friends easily, that I–in fact–do makes friends as easily as the next person, I just don’t realize they’re my friends?

When I think to myself, “who would be the least bothered by my call right now?” maybe I should be thinking “who would like the most to support me in this moment of distress right now?”

Perhaps, in the end, we are far more loved than we realize.